Task Two

Some famous universities lower their academic requirements to enroll students who have outstanding athletic talents. To what extent do you agree with this practice? Give reasons based on your experience.

You should write at least 250 words and spend approximately 40 minutes on this task.

對病句的點評

誤：Lowering the academic standards to accept the special student can lead to decline the quality of education and to destroy the respection of college.

decline 之后應(yīng)有介詞in 或 of。 destroy 是動詞，此處應(yīng)用名詞 destruction ，與前面的 decline 平行，均為 lead to 的賓語. Respection 完全不對，根本沒有這個單詞。作者想用 respect ，但仍不對，要用 reputation 。但destruction 與 reputation 又不是很好的 搭配，因此應(yīng)將 destruction 改為damage。

正： Lowering the academic standards to accept special students can lead to the decline of the quality of education and the damage of the reputation of the school.

或： Lowering the academic standards to accept special students can lead to the decline of the quality of education and damage the reputation of the school.

誤：Their opportunities that entering college may be occupied by those students with athletic talents.

作者有用定語修飾 opportunities 的意圖，但因語法錯誤而效果極差。其實很簡單，用 to enter 即可。

be occupied 應(yīng)改為 taken away。

正： Their opportunities to enter college may be taken away by those students with athletic talents.

誤：The university also benefit itself by his athletic fame due to enrol and train the students who have special athletic talents. For example, Oxford and Cambridge are very famous in the world. The reason may be owned a little to their boat race games.

這是兩個很好的句子，因為其中一個是“論點”，另一個是“論據(jù)”。這種用事例、數(shù)據(jù)等證據(jù)來支持論點的做法使人感到客觀。很多考試的作文會由于英文水平欠佳、缺乏論據(jù)、受漢語表達(dá)方式的影響等原因而顯得口號多，實際內(nèi)容不扎實，得不到理想的分?jǐn)?shù)。

此句有若干錯誤，請對比前后兩句。

正：The university also promotes its athletic fame by enrolling and training the students who have special athletic talents. For example, Oxford and Cambridge are very famous in the world. One of reasons probably is the annual boat race on river Thames.

誤：Universities should give equal opportunities to students who study very well as well as those who can contribute to some special areas.

作者用 as well as 表達(dá)“既 …，也…”。使用此詞組時應(yīng)特別注意，很多人會在這里犯錯 誤。如果想表示 “既 … ，也 …”，可以用 as well as。如：This game is good for parents as well as for children. 此句中包含了一個邏輯關(guān)系，就 是 game 一詞與孩子的關(guān)系更密切，與家長的關(guān)系不那么密切。如果譯成漢語，“孩子”應(yīng)該放在“家長”之前：這個游戲既對孩子好，也對家長好。用英文表達(dá)此邏輯關(guān)系時，這兩個名詞的先后與漢語相反。因此，在寫作時不宜輕用 as well as，如要用，請斟酌邏輯關(guān)系，把握詞序的正確。

正： Universities should give equal opportunities to those who can contribute in some special areas as well as those who have academic excellence.

誤：In modern world-level games, we can see that there are many athletes with higher education background. it attribute success to the new education system that the universities have built.

higher education background 不好，應(yīng)改為 good/excellent educational background。

attribute 使用錯誤。見例句：

We attribute the success of the party to the excellent organisational ability of the monitor. 我們把晚會的成功舉辦歸功于班長的出色組織能力。

The success of the party is attributed to the excellent organisational ability of the monitor.

此句的意思與上句一樣，只是用了被動形式，主語是某個成功的事情。再如：

The improvement of people’s life should be attributed to, among other things, the current economic policy adopted by the central government.

人民生活的改善有很多原因，其中之一是由于政府所采取的經(jīng)濟(jì)政策。

正： In many modern world-level games, there are many athletes with good educational backgrounds. This should be attributed to the new educational system that the universities have built.

誤：Those students who enrol by lowering academic standards always can’t finish their academic courses well.

句中有一個非常不明顯的錯誤，動名詞 lowering 的主語問題。見例句：

1)I passed the difficult exam primarily by having worked a lot harder than others.

我通過了這個困難的考生，主要是靠比別人更努力地工作。

2)Tom went to Edinburgh by hitch-hiking. 湯姆考搭順風(fēng)車去了愛丁堡。

在這兩個例句中，動名詞 having 和 hitch-hiking 的主語就是句子的主語。而在 Those students … 句中，lowering academic standards 的主語不是學(xué)生自己，而是學(xué)校。 雖然這個錯誤不明顯，卻是個嚴(yán)重的錯誤。

always 的位置不好。

正：Those students who enrol by being given lower academic standards can’t always finish their academic courses well.

或： Those students who enrol for their athletic excellence rather than for their academic performance often have difficulties finishing their academic courses well.

誤：Some of these students couldn’t graduate timely as a result of bad exams marks.

timely：及時的，適時的。此句中應(yīng)用“按時”、“準(zhǔn)時”，最好的詞組是 on time。

bad exams marks 不好，可用 poor academic performance。

正： Some of these students couldn’t graduate on time as a result of poor academic performance.

誤：Even though university accept those students who have special athletic talents that will get some comment, the benefit will outweighted its disadvantages.

定語從句 that will get some comment 有兩個問題：1)get comment 不好，應(yīng)改為 be criticised。2)不太清楚此從句修飾主句中的哪個內(nèi)容：university，students，還是 talents 一詞之前所 有內(nèi)容。

outweigh是正確拼寫，有很多人會因為 weight 的拼寫給 outweigh加字母 t。

benefit 與 disadvantages 在數(shù)上應(yīng)對等，或都用單數(shù)，或都用復(fù)數(shù)。

正：Even though some universities accept students who have special athletic talents, which is often criticised, the benefits of doing this outweigh disadvantages.

或：Even though the universities that accept students who have special athletic talents are often criticised, the advantages of doing this outweigh disadvantages.

誤：Students who have special athletic talents should not become the scapegoat for lowering the university’s academic standards, they should be entitled to choose the appropriate university they like.

前后兩句話之間不能用逗號，或用句號，或用分號。 be entitled to 后應(yīng)跟名詞，如：

Everyone is entitled to education. 人人都有受教育的權(quán)利。

I am entitled to an annual vacation of 15 days. 我每年有15天的休假。

前句的思想及表達(dá)都很好，特別是 scapegoat 一詞的使用。

正： Students who have special athletic talents should not become the scapegoat for lowering the university’s academic standards;they are entitled to choosing the appropriate universities they like.

更多信息請查看留學(xué)英語寫作